I first received Dianetic auditing from my husband. He delivered it to me in order to help me recover from the terrible after-effects of being treated with psychiatric drugs. To cut a very long story short – I had started getting migraine headaches for the first time in my life when I was 38 years old. I went to the GP & he prescribed a "muscle relaxant" tablet. This drug did not help me but in fact I seemed to get worse in that I started crying as well. I went back. He then referred me straight to a psychiatrist. And that started the downward spiral into further & further living hell. They could not fit a "diagnosis" to my case. So they just experimented with drug after drug after drug. Finally, after about 18 months of this "treatment" I just said "No more!" & went off all the drugs. All I could do for weeks was lie on the floor & cry. That was when my husband stepped in & offered Dianetics. The improvement was astonishing – within days I was up off the floor & smiling again & within ten days I said "Hey, I want more of this!". And that was when he referred me to our closest C of S Org in order to access more highly trained auditors & other services. (Please note that I have now found that the original cause of my migraines was "Hormone Change" & yet the doctors never gave me a simple blood test to ascertain my hormone levels.)
But once in the Org I was very dismayed to hear them pronounce the fact that I could not receive any auditing at all because I was an "Illegal PC". I think it broke my heart at that point. I did however, do some short courses with them such as "Ups & Downs" & "Success through Communication" & "Personal Values & Integrity". Not long thereafter we moved a long way from this Org. I did continue with the "Self Analysis Extension Course". BUT, I really wanted further auditing. And this was where it all went WRONG. Because I also discovered the internet & Google – I typed in "scientology auditor" & started to find links to the FreeZone.
My husband warned me not to consider anything that was not "standard LRH technology". This took me awhile to work out – just what that really was (although perhaps I never really did, work it out that is!). I first found an online Freezone group that titled itself as the "International Freezone Association". Their mission statement swears it shall uphold L. Ron Hubbard Standard Technology & stamp-out non-standard technology. After observing it’s actions for only a short while, I noticed that it was promoting "otherisms". However, even after pointing this out & asking “Why?” it was only grudgingly removed. And I also willingly removed myself from the group at that point.
However, I did contact one of their recommended Auditors, Leon Swart, who attempted to deliver the Clear Body program to me via the internet. I was most interested in this action in order to rid my body of any remnants of the psychiatric drugs I had consumed a few years earlier. I went everyday to a local sauna & took all the tablets etc which were hardly varied at all. I would send an email report each evening. At about day 10 all return comm ceased. I waited for three days with no reply from the Supervisor. Then when he did reply he explained that he had gone away for the long weekend on a bike trip. I said I was not confident to continue any further. He seemed quite angry with me, flunked me & commanded me to start over! I did not.
I did look at a few other internet Freezone groups but would quite quickly have to leave as I would start to exhibit symptoms of "Out Study Phenomena." I soon worked out that this was caused by all three barriers:
- Absence of Mass – no mass at all – it only exists in "CyberSpace"!;
- Too Steep a Gradient – this was occurring all the time when I would try to read & work out other member’s posts;
- Misunderstood Words – all the time! It would take me quite a long time to "clear" just what was being said.
Plus there were certainly a LOT of very strange "takes" on Scientology that ex-scientologists had developed themselves. Suffice to say that the only auditing that was accessible to me was a form of Dianetics developed by Robert Ducharme called R3X & which he delivers by phone. I tried to read as much as possible about what it was & finally just thought I would try it, after all Dianetics had been so good for me in the past, etc, etc.
At first all seemed to go very well. I seemed to experience "wins" that were obvious in my everyday life. However, ARC breaks were building up all the time. These were caused by both minor & major Auditor Code violations. I now know that this was causing a build up of "ByPassed Charge". However I was so happy to be receiving any auditing at all that I pushed these "breaks" aside & tried to ignore them. There were a few other odd phenomena going on as well. I now believe this was partly due to the medium of delivery – the phone. Once again giving rise to lack of mass. And maybe also due to "Transference" that I read about in DMSMH. I mentioned this to the auditor but he discounted it. Please note that this auditor does not use the services of a Case Supervisor. He relies solely upon a single process to eliminate any "charge" whatsoever.
Months went by but finally it just got too bad to ignore any more – I was now a walking wreck 24 hours after every session – crying, angry – very hard on my immediate family. I would ask the auditor what was going on but his only advice to me was that I had to continue to receive the auditing.
Auditor Evaluation stands out as the Code that was violated the most. He uses it almost like a "Gypsy Fortune Teller" – by observing & suggesting just what he thinks the pc will most readily wish to agree with. This also then leads the pc to feel they have experienced a "win". In my case, this "trick" was only revealed when one of his "suggestions" was just too outrageous for even I to accept. He suggested that what I was "viewing" were "Reptilians". I started to "wake up" at that very point & the BPC went through the roof!
Finally it all hit the wall & I just said "NO". My whole mental, emotional & physical health had been severely rundown. I had to drop a lot of other activities in my everyday life. However, my mental & emotional state quickly stabilized once stopping the auditing but my body took a bit longer. I received some very good advice sourced from L Ron Hubbard’s technology which assisted me with this recovery.
I learnt quite a few positive things from this negative experience & these are:
- that Auditing is powerful – it can be powerfully Good if delivered correctly but also powerfully Bad if delivered incorrectly;
- that the Auditor’s Code was written through observation & experience of all the negative things that can occur when particular points are not strictly adhered to;
- that "Verbal Tech" hurts;
- & that a "Hidden Data Line" is a powerful negative effect used to attract & control others.
It appears to me that anyone can hold up an LRH reference to both justify & advertise what they are delivering but that when it comes to the actual delivery itself, it becomes more a practice of "loosely based upon LRH" with a predominance of their own additives thrown in.
With hindsight I can now observe that this policy statement made by L. Ron Hubbard is certainly true:
"It must be kept in mind and brought forward emphatically that Scientology does not work in the absence of official control and, no matter who sought to use it’s principles, has uniformly failed in the hands of non-scientologists and organizations not controlled by the Central Organizations of Scientology or myself."
— HCO PL 14 June 65 II, Politics, Freedom From
There is no "Central Control" in the Freezone to ensure services are delivered standardly or mistakes repaired both for pc & auditor. So all these "out" actions continue unaddressed. PCs wander away broken-spirited & Auditors continue to deliver incorrect services.
Thus on the whole, my experience of the Freezone makes the regular Church of Scientology appear more reasonable to me. I now at least have high Reality as to why policies were put in place to Keep Scientology Working – because it doesn’t work at all when they are left out.